Today we share the story of a woman who was adopted by her parents as an infant. She shared with us what it was like to growing up, and what it means to have her own biological children.
I am my parent’s second adopted child; I have an older brother who is not of blood relation. Being part of their family was just my ‘normal’. They brought me into their family when I was three months old, because of that it may have been a little easier for them to explain the process of how I became their second child. We would just talk sometimes about how I came from someone else. I feel it’s important for someone who was placed for adoption to grow up with some knowledge of who their biological parents were. When I was young I was also given letters that my biological mom wrote to me while we were in the hospital together.
Back in the early 80's, my biological mom could have done whatever she wanted: kept me, had an abortion, had other family members raise me. There was still a secretive aspect of having a young pregnancy. I know it must have been hard, at 18 years old, to make such an adult decision for not only herself but for me. It must have been hard to know she wasn't ready. I am thankful to have had a long relationship with my biological mom, I’ve known her 17 years now.
I have tried to put myself in her shoes. To be 18, still a child, getting ready to go off to college, how could I be pregnant and make that decision? I decided to wait until I was thirty to have my first child. I was an adult deciding to make that rational choice to get pregnant and have a family. I knew that I was going to have these awesome little beings looking up to me and counting on me to provide for them.
I wasn’t given anything from my biological father, so I made up every story imaginable about who he was. Discrimination and prejudice came into that story sometimes, because I didn’t grow up knowing anything about him. There were so many holes in the story and so many thoughts to fill it with. The one thing I’ve said to my biological father is “I’m not going anywhere”. I’ve told him ‘you can tell me anything about you and who you are it’s not going to change what we have now. You’ve got me until the end; you can’t get rid of me even if you wanted to.’
Becoming a mother is so sacred. Maybe my process of becoming pregnant and watching my kids grow up means something a little different to me. It’s new to my normal to see mine and my husband’s traits when I look at my kids, because I have never looked like my parents. I don’t want to say that it touches me more than any other mother, to reflect upon my children, and say those traits are mine, but it is something that I do reflect upon, maybe more so.
I’ve shared my adoption story with my own children, and more so lately because of my biological father finding me a few months ago. My son is four, my daughter is one, and I’ve been able to explain who my biological father and biological mother are, and who my adoptive parents are, and they seem to understand it all.
If I could say one thing to my adoptive parents it would be, thank you. I think sometimes the simplest words can go a lot further than great speeches. I’ve always expressed how grateful I am to be in their lives. I have good adoptive parents and a loving family. They’ve been so open and supportive of me finding my biological parents and have been involved in the process as well. I can’t really express my gratitude enough for all of that.
If someone were to get pregnant and be in a position where they had to choose adoption or abortion, they might feel the ‘easy’ way out (which I DON’T think is easy) is to have an abortion. It does seem though that adoption is still sort of taboo. Now that I’ve had children and know what it’s like, I can’t imagine leaving my child behind to be raised by someone else. I know that would be really hard. I want people facing that to know that it’s not taboo. It can be a good thing, especially now that open adoptions are available. All three parties can be involved in each other’s lives. Also it is not as difficult as some might think to explain the dynamics of birth and adoptive parents, young children don’t pass judgement.
Back in the early 80's, my biological mom could have done whatever she wanted: kept me, had an abortion, had other family members raise me. There was still a secretive aspect of having a young pregnancy. I know it must have been hard, at 18 years old, to make such an adult decision for not only herself but for me. It must have been hard to know she wasn't ready. I am thankful to have had a long relationship with my biological mom, I’ve known her 17 years now.
I have tried to put myself in her shoes. To be 18, still a child, getting ready to go off to college, how could I be pregnant and make that decision? I decided to wait until I was thirty to have my first child. I was an adult deciding to make that rational choice to get pregnant and have a family. I knew that I was going to have these awesome little beings looking up to me and counting on me to provide for them.
I wasn’t given anything from my biological father, so I made up every story imaginable about who he was. Discrimination and prejudice came into that story sometimes, because I didn’t grow up knowing anything about him. There were so many holes in the story and so many thoughts to fill it with. The one thing I’ve said to my biological father is “I’m not going anywhere”. I’ve told him ‘you can tell me anything about you and who you are it’s not going to change what we have now. You’ve got me until the end; you can’t get rid of me even if you wanted to.’
Becoming a mother is so sacred. Maybe my process of becoming pregnant and watching my kids grow up means something a little different to me. It’s new to my normal to see mine and my husband’s traits when I look at my kids, because I have never looked like my parents. I don’t want to say that it touches me more than any other mother, to reflect upon my children, and say those traits are mine, but it is something that I do reflect upon, maybe more so.
I’ve shared my adoption story with my own children, and more so lately because of my biological father finding me a few months ago. My son is four, my daughter is one, and I’ve been able to explain who my biological father and biological mother are, and who my adoptive parents are, and they seem to understand it all.
If I could say one thing to my adoptive parents it would be, thank you. I think sometimes the simplest words can go a lot further than great speeches. I’ve always expressed how grateful I am to be in their lives. I have good adoptive parents and a loving family. They’ve been so open and supportive of me finding my biological parents and have been involved in the process as well. I can’t really express my gratitude enough for all of that.
If someone were to get pregnant and be in a position where they had to choose adoption or abortion, they might feel the ‘easy’ way out (which I DON’T think is easy) is to have an abortion. It does seem though that adoption is still sort of taboo. Now that I’ve had children and know what it’s like, I can’t imagine leaving my child behind to be raised by someone else. I know that would be really hard. I want people facing that to know that it’s not taboo. It can be a good thing, especially now that open adoptions are available. All three parties can be involved in each other’s lives. Also it is not as difficult as some might think to explain the dynamics of birth and adoptive parents, young children don’t pass judgement.
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